Chosen?

So today at work, my co-worker and I started talking about the Anne Rice books about Jesus, which then led her to point out how she believes (with an example of her own life) how God has chosen you and sets you apart. She asked if I could remember as a young child being led toward God. Hmmm. That makes me think. I do know I've always had this...yearning(?) for a higher power, even as a young child. From my Grandparents down, no one in our family attended church. My mom believed in God, but only in a vague way. I do remember when I was in elementary, I went to Sunday School a few times with my cousin Theresa. I vaguely remember going, but I was too intent on earning the Snickers as the prize. I remember having fun on the bus with all the other kids, but that's about it. One of my Aunts starting working at a church and became closer to God. She’s still a Christian, just not attending a church, since the last one left a bad taste in her mouth.

I do know as an older child/young teenager, I was very lonely and sometimes depressed. There was always a big empty space that wanted to be filled up. As I got older, it only got worse, with thoughts of suicide and just all around miserable. Could it have been because I was away from my Father? And my soul knew I was lost? Hmmmm….

Could it just be genetics? I understand a lot in my family are prone to depression. I don’t doubt I have at one time or another been full blown DEPRESSED. Right after my 1st marriage broke up I definitely had a hard time. With pills in hand I contemplated suicide.

I do know that since God grabbed me and shook me up and hasn’t let go since, that my life is almost always joy filled now. Most often I am content with my life and overall happy. I still have moments where I am frustrated or angry or sad, but nothing close to the extent of what it was earlier in my life. For the most part, I feel HEALED. Is it me just maturing and growing as a person? Or could it be God?

In October of 2008, I was laid off my job. It was very devastating because I had put my heart and soul into that job and all the sudden…it was gone. At first, Billy and I went into panic mode. What are we going to do about money? How will we pay the mortgage? And all those other questions one thinks when you lose a job. After the first few initial months, the “curse” turned into a HUGE blessing. I found myself laughing more often, happier, more content. My pay had just been cut by half and yet we felt richer. We were eating better food, enjoying our time with each other more, and oh yeah, the house was CLEANER! I found myself enjoying being the stay at home mom, which I never have before. Instead of being bored, I felt relaxed. I didn’t feel so worn out on weekends, found myself WANTING to go to church and be around friends. So maybe God wanted me to lose my job to gain my family back, who had gotten lost in my pursuit of a “prestigious” job. All in all, that time of unemployment was a huge reset in my life. It gave back my perspective of what REALLY matters in life. A good career is great, but isn’t your family more important? I had forgotten…

But finally after nine months of being unemployed, my job found me. And I do mean found me. I didn’t look for this job, it came to me. And WHAT A BLESSING! I LOVE the people I work with. I’m now surrounded by Christians. What’s funny is that it seems to be carrying over into my personal life too. I’m getting new friends thru some of the strangest ways, but hey, I’m not complaining! My life has gotten richer.

So I come back to, are we chosen? Has God always been holding onto me? Trying to guide me? Hmmmm. Are we the chosen because when He called out into the dark, we are the ones that turned around and said, “Hello? Who’s there?” and went in pursuit of finding out who that voice was?

Don’t get me started on theology. I’d go all night…maybe next time.