Overparenting??

So today, on the wonderful world of Facebook, my friend posted an article from Times.com about Over Parenting by Nancy Gibbs and it got me thinking. Why do so many of us over-parent? Now understand that I am a parent of 4 kids, my oldest being almost 17 and my youngest 5, so I have a lot of experience being a parent. I'd like to think I know how to be a (semi) successful parent, as they are all well adjusted, functional human beings. And quite smart I must say (no bragging here, *cough* GPA's being over 4.0 *cough*)

So why do we always feel we must protect every moment they have? Don't they lose the purity of childhood? The experiences? Don't you remember running around your neighborhood and the only rule we had was, "Come home before the lights turn on". I know as a kid, I was all over my neighborhood, running around like, well, kids and having sooo much fun.

I have to say, I'm now proud that I am a little more of a hands-off parent. I try to encourage my kids to be the person they were truly meant to be, even if it seems sooo weird to me (and yes, sometimes Rachel is sooo wierd . But hey, she's an artist and only expressing herself.). There are limits, but I try to always keep in mind, "Does this really matter? Is it better for them to express themselves or is it time for a little bit of a reign in?" Deciphering between those has become my goal.

Last year, I would not let my two junior high school age ride their bikes to school. But we live on a pretty busy street, and their whole route would be very visible so the chances of them getting mugged or kidnapped were slight, so outside of being ran over, it should be a great option for them getting themselves to school. But of course I was reluctant. The "what-ifs" came poring over me. And I admit, some were pretty stupid. So this year, I relented. And actually, I think this might be good for them. Every morning now, they are responsible to wake themselves up, get themselves ready and get to school on time. I now have nothing to do with it. Could this be teaching them responsibility? Don't we have to do this EVERY day for our jobs. This is a life skill that needs to be learned.

I've now read twice that when kids are bored, it's a chance for creativity to flow. If you have little ones, break out the Legos, Lincoln Logs, PlayDoh, crayons, paper and watch the magic flow. Now if you have teenagers, once you get past the complaining, sometimes you'll see magic happen. My 15-yr old has recently learned to play the piano and has now started composing her own song. Seriously? Have you ever composed a song?? I was blown away. My youngest girl (she's 12 going on 21) started writing poetry that was quite good. I mean, it was GOOD. And my eldest, well, she's always in her room, drawing and writing her own book. Yeah, that's right..her own BOOK. Even if they never use these skills for a career, being able to think outside the box and coming up with creative ideas is always a good life skill to have.

And just as a little disclaimer, my husband and I, along with my ex-husband (the girls' dad) are pretty strict parents. We have rules and pretty high expectations, but at the same time, the more responsible they act, the more freedom they earn.

So I say, let the kids be bored once in a while, let them walk to school, give them some freedom and watch what they become.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"

So today at church, our pastor talked about money. Oh brother, I’m sure some people thought, he’s begging for money.

But seriously, it wasn’t like that. He talked about how, we, the richest nation in the world (yes even during this bad economy) we are always looking to have “more”. More what? More stuff? I know my husband and I are guilty of it. Our Xbox broke, so we decided to go ahead and just buy a PS3 instead. Which meant buying all new games. Was that really necessary? Was that a want or a NEED? (OK-so for me, it’s a really big NEEEEEEDDDDD. I love video games. I think the only person who spends more time on the video games is my son. But I usually end up taking over his games…for hours). But really, this stuff happens all the time. Why do we, overall speaking, HAVE to have stuff? A lot of people blame it on all the commercials, which doesn’t help, but I’m beginning to think it’s really part of our nature. It’s that sin in us that is never satisfied. Shouldn’t we be content?


“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)


“But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. (1 Timothy 6:8)


Funny thing happened during my 9-month time of unemployment term…we were content. I think Billy and I were just so happy we weren’t in danger of losing the house or going without food that we were content. All our bills were paid and that was one of the periods of my life that I’ve been the happiest. All our needs were met and we were very aware of that fact. In turn, my marriage flourished, I reconnected with my kids, I loved staying home. I would probably still be out of work, but honestly, the job found me. Or, I should say, God gave me this job. And even though I took a pay cut, I LOVE my job. Well, I should say that I love the people I work with. I mean, come on, I fill out paperwork for a living. But the people I work with are some of the funniest, kindest people I’ve met. My faith in God has grown like it never has before. All of this came about, when I got laid off and we went back to bare minimum. Dude! We’re struggling more now than when my pay was half of what it is. ??????????? How is that?


So going back to the pastor’s message…


He went on to say that giving is part of the blessing God gives us. We are not cisterns, but channels. The more we have, the more we should be giving. Not just money, in all things. Time and money. As Christians, we should be the ones known as givers. Helpers, people who others go to in time of need. Are we?